I don't know what's wrong with me lately.

It's like someone's sitting on my chest, and I'm cold all the time. I know it's all mental -- I'm perfectly healthy, nothing is physically wrong -- but... I don't know. I have trouble getting out of bed in the morning. I don't have any energy to do anything anymore.

Mom's not really helping with that. She's in sort of a mood lately; please keep in mind that I love my mother dearly, and she's like a best friend to me as well as a mother. But she's been freaked out, and I don't think she realizes it, but she's been taking it out on me and my siblings, mostly me because "you're almost seventeen, you can handle it."

News flash: I have chronic depression issues. No, I can't fucking handle it, okay?

I tried calling Ember to relieve some of this feeling -- talking to her always helps, somehow, even when she doesn't know I'm calling to make myself feel better -- and she was busy, which is understandable, so I let her go. I was joking with my mom, said "Ember's ditching me for poetry and cheese" (it was Ember's poetry night tonight), and mom just said, "Hell, at this point, I'D ditch you for poetry and cheese."

It... made me feel just really insignificant there for a few minutes. Like, "Oh. Okay. I guess I'm not worth hanging out with anymore."

I guess I'm just oversensitive. My feelings get hurt way too easily, even when people are just playing with me. I can't take a fucking joke anymore, or something. "Jeez, Maddie, lighten up."

But I can't. I can't lighten up because it's just not funny.

I tried listening to music after taking half a Xanax and I'm still not feeling better. Guess I'll just go lay down now, and wait for this to blow over.